Light into Darkness
It’s raining and dark and although I have a migraine I am grateful for the moisture since it has been nearly absent all winter and into the spring here in Colorado. It seems we could have one more possible freeze in a couple days, and I just planted my little seedling flowers, oh dear. I may have to start over again if they don’t make it. In the world of growing things this year has been even more unpredictable than expected. We live right now in the pause between what has been planted but remains unseen. Yet the magic of the dark hidden places of nature are already at work. Seeds warming, bundles of roots waking, in the dirt the garden already lives.
Such is the mind of the artist and the therapist, and so my dual interests follow the same path from hidden to visible. Isn’t that the path of hope as well. I was listening to a podcast this week and the artist refrenced this quote by Robert Schumann, a German composer and pianist who lived from 1810-1856. After hearing the quote I went down a bit of a rabbit hole learning about him. He struggled with his mental health and eventually died while in a sanataorium. These were his words:
“To send light into the darkness of men’s souls—
such is the duty of the artist.”
I believe this is a great summary of my life as a therapist and an artist, and even my spiritual giftings. 30 years of working in mental health and i need no encouragement to believe in darkness in the human soul. The depravity I have seen and heard in those years is like the soot on the inside of a blackened wood stove. It gets on you, smears everywhere and is hard to get off. Yet a single ray of light, the first peony of the season, the smile of a friend and it’s gone. If I am to resist being consumed by the darkness I must be aquaited with the light. I must search for it in the darkest places and draw attention to it. How can you send light into a darkened soul unless you know where to find it?
As I make decisions both with clients and in the subject matter of my art, I have chosen light and natural beauty because I find it first of all restorative to my own soul darkened by the challenges of grief, loss and rejection. My clients often need to borrow hope from me when beginning therapy for theirs is covered in soot and cannot fly. But I have vision for them for places they cannot see and have no means of navigating. I know the tricky path and for years have escorted those who lost their way.
With my art I want to offer the same light. A reminder that real beauty is always there, just hidden. choose florals with vibrance and colors that play and dance with the light. My landscapes may have moody skies and lonely places, but they each have some small delight, a detail, an unexpected color, because there is enough darkness and despair in the world.
I will choose to send light, wonder, stillness and hope. Even if I have to dig it out of the dirt myself. In fact, I will seek it out with a driving hunger and send it into the darkest of souls. These are the moments when I realize that even though Mental Health and Art seem so different they are the same song of my soul, pushing back darkness and bringing forth beauty and light. This is the satisfaction of my soul, the unity of purpose shining in multiple places. This is me, being the same in all of my places.
